Pancakes?

So let me start off by saying this is not a vent, complaining, hate the world blog.
Its one of those things where you wish you could say these things in public, to people and in life, but you cant. So ive decided to blog about them. Because everyone is bothered by some of these things.
With that being said, i would like to express my feelings on a few small things :)

    Have you ever said something, posted something, or mentioned something and the wrong person always see's it? Or take it the worst way possible. And somehow before you know it, you have people that are not even in your so called 'social circle' are asking you a million of questions and assuming things about your life and your situations. This happens to me, well, too much, and too a variety of my friends. Why must people feel that they must ask you hundreds of questions about your life, the choices you make and the people you are involved with. I personally have no problem telling people off, no matter what age or status they are. When you interrupt into my life and my privacy, you give up me being nice to you, because you've stepped outside of the 'comfort' zone with me and tramped all over my personal life, therefore, you get no polite smiles anymore.
  And im not going to lie, it becomes exhausting trying to protect everything you say and do, and having to constantly have an answer for everything. Maybe im just tired, and over-sensitive, but i know i cant be alone in this. Rebounding questions about you relationship, your future, your every plan to people who you don't even know very well, and some you don't even like.  Ive developed a name for them: Syrup Smackers. What you ask, is a syrup-smacker? Someone who has to smack their lips in everyone's business, and make everything sticky and messy. The more they open their mouths, and the more they ask and talk the messier and sticker they make the situation, And before you know it, your drowning in a overpowering sticky, noticeably blunt and unwanted conversation or string of questioning. Because like syrup, once they get the first question out, no matter how many time you wipe your hands, it still feels sticky, and heavy.
I guess my frustrating is me wondering when did it be okay for people who are supposed to support and care about you genuinely become so over bearing and such a weight?
I guess it became OK the minute they traded  their own private lives the minute they posted that first Facebook status, or that first tweet,blog, or some other social network site, and now expect you to do the same.

The Big M.

Marriage.
It seems to come up a lot when you date someone longer than 3 months. Maybe thats just in my own social circles? Or does it happen to everyone? Ive been hearing alot about the big 'M' word lately. Someone is always engaged, getting married, ending a marriage, adding a little one to the marriage. There seems to always be something. My parents are married, some close friends are married, i plan on getting married one day. Its just everywhere. There are at least 3 Diamond stores in the mall, and the engagement rings are always the ones at the front with the brightest lights shining in. Every Kiss begins with K, or at least you hope it does. Maybe to the Man not so much, because all K means is Karat, and how many of those you have in your kisses determines the rest of your soon to be married life... Or so Ive heard. Maybe its not that drastic..
But why do people make such a fuss over it?
    Now Pause. Don't get me as one of those people who don't believe in marriage or have these crazy ideas about it, im a normal girl who loves everything like with love, marriage, and babies. But i dont recall ever feeling so much pressure about it before?
Maybe its because ive now entered the coveted '20's' and thats what is expected of you in your twenties, marriage, babies, and a full 25 year plan on what you want to do with your life.
Does anyone else feel me?
      One day its "What are you going to do with you life?"
Then the next its " When are you two getting married?" "Have you had the 'talk' yet??"
Okay, for one...what is the 'talk'? Ive had alot of conversations in my life, and still no matter how many times i google it, or ask random people. No-one really knows what that means. Ive even tried to guess what it means, and while plausible explanations like " Oh, like have we talked about getting married? or having kids?" are pondered on, they are still not exactly what the 'talk' entails. Maybe its just me and ive jumped off the crazy train, but somehow that is one thing ive come across that makes no bloody sense.
But then, after you weed out the crazy people who think they are Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City, and the people who want to live their failed love life through yours, you come across what i like to call, the Thumpers.
    These wonderful people thrive on love, marriage and all in between. They are those people who if you had a crush on someone in 8th grade, you didnt tell them who it was. Because once you did they were already pulling out a piece of paper getting ready to put you into their own torturous version of M*A*S*H, where you have 57 kids and live till your 135, madly in love i might add. They just thump their hearts to every small mushy romantic thing that happens to you, but some how it never happens to them. Probably because they thump so much that they have thumped all potential mates away. They make every event into a scene from Casablanca. "He called you? And left a voice-mail! He totally is into you, if he wasn't he wouldn't leave a voice-mail right!" That might sound far fetched, but i have the time, date and person that said it to me after i had called a friend that was of the male gender to see if he wanted to come eat with me, and a few friends. My Thumper friend chose this opportunity to convince me because he called back and left a voice-mail that he liked me. Too bad she didn't realize i was calling him to try and set him up with her, and he called me back after the event he was invited too was over. So for the next few weeks all i heard about was how he left me a voice mail, and every little thing he did was put under a microscope to see if it meant anything more than it really did. I used to be one of those people, so i know them oh so very well.
  But back to my point, why do some people drag the thought of Marriage through the mud while other survive just to get married, and when did someone decide that they had to make me their test subject?!
Marriage is a big thing, Love is an even bigger thing. Marriage only works or happens when you take a bigger commitment than saying "I do", you first have to commit to loving someone. And  society tends to commit to marrying someone before they commit to loving them.
Marriage, most people want it, they want to find love.  And with love comes marriage, and then a baby carriage right? I guess what im trying to say, is that sometimes people just need to learn to let other people decide their own love life, and worry about giving love to people, rather than trying to get people to give you love.

   But to conclude my Marriage thoughts, i wont be getting married any time soon, so if you feel the need to ask me, revert back to sentence one of the first paragraph of this blog.
But on the subject of love...well i have much more positive, and 'Thumper' like thoughts and comments. Because while trying to figure out my 25 year life plan, find a job and keep the Thumper's at bay, im perfectly content with learning what Love looks like in another person, and finding it within myself to give love, and to receive it in its many forms. And laughing, alot. :)

Another Reason to Know Why

Its the smell of clean laundry, the warmth of the sun on the back of your eyelids. The windows down in winter, the chilly air hitting your face and filling your nose. A lovers kiss on the forehead, with secret smiles. The way your stomach hurts when you laugh to hard. The feeling you get in your fingers when you touch something cherished. The unconventional timing of death. Bitter memories and scarred pasts. Melted candle-wax and suede shoes.  Piano keys and open fields. Glitter and Ivory curtains. Chapped lips and finding Faith.
This is life, my life to be specific. Everyone has a story, and these days, nobody has a problem sharing theirs, publicly or privately, hence those "anonymous". My other blog is all about getting your voice out their, changing something, but i firmly believe that to change the world, we must first change ourselves. So with misplaced phrases and a constant pouring of complete sentences, im writing me. People all want to be heard, the difference comes when you just listen, or you hear what they are trying to say. My goal is to do neither with this, personal, unscripted and unedited blog of me, and who i am. We so often have so much to say, but because of who we are, where we are, or fear from being something else that perfect, we keep our mouths closed, and in the process of pretending things don't bother us, and not talking about things because they are controversial to our "crowd" we create these, blogs. Because you can always take back what you say, you cant take back what you write, and i don't intend on it.
This is me, raw and uncut. The person behind the curtain, the girl fighting with a cage door that never had a lock on it.
Im tired of staying silent.

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