So.. My boyfriend has been pestering me about writing a blog about him. Now im normally against such gloating and chest puffing about people in my personal life. Especially those closest to my heart. But being it on the Eve of Christmas, at 2AM, ive decided to go against better judgement, and write a short excerpt about my love.
The Boyfriend means alot to me, in alot of different ways. First and foremost he is my best friend, has been for quite a long time and probably will always be. Second he is the reasoning voice in my head that tells me not to do things potentially dangerous to my heath.. and third he is my significant other, my love, my +1, my boyfriend. :) I wont go telling you our love story, if you really want to know, ask him, its such a long story ;)
But to go on bragging for a small moment, is the one thing that i love so dearly about him. Is that he has never asked me to change who i am. There have been moments when i thought he did, or was trying to, but in the end it was always my best interest in his heart, and never any attempt to change me into someone else. No matter how many crazy, off the wall dreams i have he has never once told me i couldn't do it. Maybe a disapproving glance or laugh of amusement at some of my more, risque and dangerous plans, but never a no. Except on the subject of a nose piercing, which one day i might eventually win him over.
And i know im a very shifting, and changing person. Like all the time. I have a new dream or plan every few months, the same urges and get-away escapes, sometimes dramatic and sometimes not. But no matter what i end up doing at the end of the day, somehow he still finds it in him to kiss my forehead goodnight and try and give me everything i need, and promises that one day he will give me everything i want, not matter how shiny, or how expensive ;) Maybe he didnt say it in those words.. but im sure it was something like that.
Just kidding.. maybe ;) But i guess Ive really said what i wanted to say about him. Its easy to love someone who is willing to change to fit your idea of a perfect relationship, but it takes alot to put up with someone's faults and flaws, and even though they have them and might not like them, they still never ask them to change. And he knows that somewhere deep down that if he ever asked me to change i would, only for him. But more points to him, for never asking me too :)
Well its Christmas Eve, and all is quiet in the house, nothing is stirring not even a mouse. Because my mouse died. Of unknown and suspicious causes.. Oliver and my mother are my main suspects but no-one has caved...yet. Oh and le boyfriend helped me build a little grave for little Dolce. It was so sweet.
Hope your holiday season has been wonderful, and this weekend is white and jolly :) Now off to dreamland to wish for snow, Chanel, and a penthouse in the Upper East Side. Oh Gossip Girl how you fuel my fashion flame. <3
Friday, December 23, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
The Never-Ending Blog Post.
You know what drives me carazyyy? Incomplete endings. Example A: Gossip Girl. Its become my favorite pastime to divulge myself into this fabulous world that Netflix so generously offers in 4 seasons. Im on Season 3, yes ill say it now, i have too much free time. But in this show, it seems that there can never be a complete, or happy ending. There is always conflict between someone, scheming and severing relationships, and the constant outrageous drama that I've found myself addicted too. But there are other things that just dont ever end.. like this one series of books i read.
The author was Cassandra Clare, and it was called... The Mortal Instruments or something.. i honestly cant remember. But anyway, she wrote 3 books in this series, and i read them and enjoyed them immensely. The last book ended on a good page, with a solid, fulfilled and completed ending.. Then. She wrote another book, a fourth random one that prolonged and continued the story even more. I thought this was amazing, because the first three were so good. The two main characters still somehow couldn't end up together, happy. It was a horrible ending and furthermore just completely pissed me off and made me feel like no-one ever writes about happy people anymore. It became the book series that was never going to end for me, it was good where it stopped, but people got greedy and another one was written, making the first three feel like i had wasted my time even reading them, when the end result was a 'ail', with a capital F. God help us if Stephanie Meyer (A.k.A- i cant really write, but somehow i made billions of dollars off poorly structured sentences and strange knowledge of all things sparkly and evil.) writes a fifth Twilight, i might literally move to Sweden, where everything is legal, except Twilight Books. :)
But considering this isn't about Stephanie VampMeyer.
But ive just notived this recently.. that things today just are never-endingly unfinishable. I have no idea if that is really a word, but i just made it one, Stephanie would be so proud. That movies, books & tv shows are going to drag out forever until one day someone asks "Why is that show even on? Nobody watches it?" Like Grey's Anatomy.. I still dont understand how that is still making money...
But do you understand what im saying? I hate that feeling, probably like the feeling your getting now. Why am i reading this blog? It has no point... And she keeps going on about something but i can seem to find the actual point in it... But im still reading.. Oh look its ending. Well.. that was... un- fulfilling.
Im sorry if you feel that way now, maybe i can help. I'm going to list the things that drive me crazy by not ending... unless you have read or watched anything Ive mentioned above, you might not understand much of it. But hey, its a good time waster :)
&&& P.S: If you actually check this alot.. always check my Events! Section ^> Up and over there somewhere. But if your lazy.. this is what's coming up on my calender.. you should come with :)
The author was Cassandra Clare, and it was called... The Mortal Instruments or something.. i honestly cant remember. But anyway, she wrote 3 books in this series, and i read them and enjoyed them immensely. The last book ended on a good page, with a solid, fulfilled and completed ending.. Then. She wrote another book, a fourth random one that prolonged and continued the story even more. I thought this was amazing, because the first three were so good. The two main characters still somehow couldn't end up together, happy. It was a horrible ending and furthermore just completely pissed me off and made me feel like no-one ever writes about happy people anymore. It became the book series that was never going to end for me, it was good where it stopped, but people got greedy and another one was written, making the first three feel like i had wasted my time even reading them, when the end result was a 'ail', with a capital F. God help us if Stephanie Meyer (A.k.A- i cant really write, but somehow i made billions of dollars off poorly structured sentences and strange knowledge of all things sparkly and evil.) writes a fifth Twilight, i might literally move to Sweden, where everything is legal, except Twilight Books. :)
But considering this isn't about Stephanie VampMeyer.
But ive just notived this recently.. that things today just are never-endingly unfinishable. I have no idea if that is really a word, but i just made it one, Stephanie would be so proud. That movies, books & tv shows are going to drag out forever until one day someone asks "Why is that show even on? Nobody watches it?" Like Grey's Anatomy.. I still dont understand how that is still making money...
But do you understand what im saying? I hate that feeling, probably like the feeling your getting now. Why am i reading this blog? It has no point... And she keeps going on about something but i can seem to find the actual point in it... But im still reading.. Oh look its ending. Well.. that was... un- fulfilling.
Im sorry if you feel that way now, maybe i can help. I'm going to list the things that drive me crazy by not ending... unless you have read or watched anything Ive mentioned above, you might not understand much of it. But hey, its a good time waster :)
- Why couldnt Bella pick Jacob, clearly the logical choice.
- ^ That had nothing to do with this blog.
- Why cant Chuck just have one episode where someone isnt trying to ruin his life.
- Why must Serena sleep with EVERYONE?
- Why did no one tell Stephanie Meyer she couldnt write?
- Why did no one suggest she direct the first 3 twilight movies? The 4th was LEGIT.
- Ive wondered why Grey's Anatomy is still on.. they have killed off basically everyone on the show. Katherine Heigl was the best... But she had to get cancer. And George died. Boo.
- Will the show The Office ever actually end?
- Is it Snow White Month? They have like 3 movies coming out.
- I bought a tub of Cookie Dough Ice Cream, and some actual choc. chip cookie dough.. just in case the ice cream tasted bad. It was like 7$.. i was kinda upset about this price. Thats alot for dough.
- I just realized i dont really remember why i was started to blog? If you do.. leave me a comment.. i dont ever get any.. ever.
- Follow me on Tumblr. Wee hee!
- Im not tired.. and its 1:47am..
- Im torn between Gossip Girl, or Vampire Diaries.. they are each so.. stupid, yet addicting.
- I need a new phone, mine is about to implode.
- Skyrim.
- ^ Legit.
&&& P.S: If you actually check this alot.. always check my Events! Section ^> Up and over there somewhere. But if your lazy.. this is what's coming up on my calender.. you should come with :)
Friday, November 11, 2011
London Calling!
You ever have that moment in the car.. the shower..your bed or any random place when you sit back and wonder what your even doing? And you dont even know. Your thinking about where your life is.. and what you doing with it, and at the end of that extremely dramatic 2 minutes, you realize you have absolutely no idea what your doing. It is in those moments i want to do something spontaneous, dangerous or irresponsible. I thrive for those moments, because in that moment you feel more alive than ever, And dont pretend like this doesn't happen to you. That moment in the store when you have gotten everything you need, but you see that tub of ice cream, or that shirt and your have this moment where you stare at the item, and go over your choices, whether or not your going to get it, or keep moving on.
Some times you just shrug your shoulders, already talking yourself out of it, push the buggy on and switch your mind over to something else, passing the moment all together.
But you know.. its that one time that you do get it. You do drop that tub of ice cream on top of your slim fast's or grab that hott dress off the rack and hang those ugly khaki pants you need for work back on the rack. It's in those moments that you feel alive, confident and spontaneous. Some might be more calm than others..some might have you ending up with a tattoo, or bright orange hair. But you know you've done it before, and that after reading this, feel the need to go do something spontaneous and out of character.
I find that we need this in our lives, I need this in my life. Those thing's that make you feel alive, that make you feel inspired. Movie's, music, places, smells, certain taste's can make something inside you go "Yes!"
I find we are all craving something to make us feel alive, to remind us that there is something more than just what is in front of us, that there is an entire world waiting to be experienced.
I guess the bad thing, the scary thing about those moments is when you go back to how life is. How you actually live your life, and the moment passes. When those moments you had feel like i dream, they dont even feel like you. Apparently though, im one of few that have these feelings or experience these moment's. Apart of me wants routine, wants to be "normal" and have everything normal, and smooth, apart of me really does.
But then there is this side of me that doesn't. That is dying for something more out of my existence.
So today.. in being Saturday the 12th im going to do something spontaneous, irresponsible (to some people) and adventurous. Im going to Be Free.
& you will just have to wait and see what i do.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Saturday the 12th, 3:05 pm:
Be Free Baby, Be Free.
Some times you just shrug your shoulders, already talking yourself out of it, push the buggy on and switch your mind over to something else, passing the moment all together.
But you know.. its that one time that you do get it. You do drop that tub of ice cream on top of your slim fast's or grab that hott dress off the rack and hang those ugly khaki pants you need for work back on the rack. It's in those moments that you feel alive, confident and spontaneous. Some might be more calm than others..some might have you ending up with a tattoo, or bright orange hair. But you know you've done it before, and that after reading this, feel the need to go do something spontaneous and out of character.
I find that we need this in our lives, I need this in my life. Those thing's that make you feel alive, that make you feel inspired. Movie's, music, places, smells, certain taste's can make something inside you go "Yes!"
I find we are all craving something to make us feel alive, to remind us that there is something more than just what is in front of us, that there is an entire world waiting to be experienced.
I guess the bad thing, the scary thing about those moments is when you go back to how life is. How you actually live your life, and the moment passes. When those moments you had feel like i dream, they dont even feel like you. Apparently though, im one of few that have these feelings or experience these moment's. Apart of me wants routine, wants to be "normal" and have everything normal, and smooth, apart of me really does.
But then there is this side of me that doesn't. That is dying for something more out of my existence.
So today.. in being Saturday the 12th im going to do something spontaneous, irresponsible (to some people) and adventurous. Im going to Be Free.
& you will just have to wait and see what i do.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Saturday the 12th, 3:05 pm:
Saturday, October 22, 2011
If looks could Kill
Have you ever looked at someone and thought "Why are we friends again?" Its that moment when they are complaining about something and your zoned out, pretending to care, when really all you can think about is how much your feet hurt, and whether or not you should eat Pizza or a Salad for lunch. Healthy? Not Healthy? And then they ask you a question, one which you dont have the answer too because you didn't hear the question in the first place. You can either pretend you were and try to answer with the safe answers like "I dont know" or, "Yes" "No" Or just play dumb.. "Huh? Ask me that again?" Its horrible the way we pretend to care when we really dont.
OR.
Or..:) You have the thought of "I dont know why were friends...i dont actually like you." The type of people who are always nice to you, always say great things about you when your around, and compliment your hair, your shoes, or your career. But at the end of the conversation you walk away irritated and with a cramp in your lip because you held a smile for too long. We all have them in our lives, and sometimes, we are those people. There was always that one girl in high school who loved everyone and was just oh so "sweet" but everyone else hated her. Sometimes you find yourself being that girl. The one who feels like she is surrounded by idiots, and cant stand to be mean to them, because its just not nice. When in the end, they hate you, you hate them and move to Vermont and feed cows.
Too dramatic? Maybe, maybe not.
But my point is that we all have those people that we just dont like. But we are nice, and civil to them. Invite them out when you go out, invite them to birthday and holiday celebrations. But secretly talk about them behind bathroom doors, and under your breath at the drink table.
We say its just "high school" but we do it and will continue to do it the rest of our lives. Why?
I have no idea. If anyone has an answer other than "Were Human" Or, "Its in our nature to be mean"..please excuse yourself now if you thought those answers.. But if anyone has a reason to why we do this, please come forth.
Why are we so fake to the people we hate the most. Yeah the saying goes "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" But the reason they are your so called 'enemy' is probably because they did something to put them in that status with you. But still, we smile and wave as if they are our favorite people in the world. And when we walk away we turn our nose's up and scoff with a friend. Meanwhile they are doing the same exact thing to you. I hear people say they miss high school, but i dont think we ever miss high school, just knowing that if we were in high school, we could push her into a vending machine and pull her hair.. Not like i would know.. But now we just smile, and pretend we care what goes on with them.
This was just my random, and slightly humorous epiphany. :) Girls can be so evil, good thing Ive got a good batch of friends to keep me sane :)
But my question: The things you had the guts to do in High School, but wouldn't dare to do now. I know we all have them :)
A few of mine to start:
- Wear a plaid skirt and combat boots..some things just shouldn't be repeated.. ever.
-Wear baby blue pleather
-Throw milk at the slutty girl who steals your boyfriend..and not get caught;)
-Help spread the rumor that someone has a gun... Be thankful you didn't go to my school, oh and im a good person now ;)
-Physically hit another female...my Lawyer advises against commenting.
-Oh and last but certainly not least... *Insert Drum-Roll Here*- Outline your entire eye socket with eyeliner..on purpose. & No it was not Halloween, or the Day of the Dead. Thank God for Vogue.
Off to bed:)
OR.
Or..:) You have the thought of "I dont know why were friends...i dont actually like you." The type of people who are always nice to you, always say great things about you when your around, and compliment your hair, your shoes, or your career. But at the end of the conversation you walk away irritated and with a cramp in your lip because you held a smile for too long. We all have them in our lives, and sometimes, we are those people. There was always that one girl in high school who loved everyone and was just oh so "sweet" but everyone else hated her. Sometimes you find yourself being that girl. The one who feels like she is surrounded by idiots, and cant stand to be mean to them, because its just not nice. When in the end, they hate you, you hate them and move to Vermont and feed cows.
Too dramatic? Maybe, maybe not.
But my point is that we all have those people that we just dont like. But we are nice, and civil to them. Invite them out when you go out, invite them to birthday and holiday celebrations. But secretly talk about them behind bathroom doors, and under your breath at the drink table.
We say its just "high school" but we do it and will continue to do it the rest of our lives. Why?
I have no idea. If anyone has an answer other than "Were Human" Or, "Its in our nature to be mean"..please excuse yourself now if you thought those answers.. But if anyone has a reason to why we do this, please come forth.
Why are we so fake to the people we hate the most. Yeah the saying goes "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" But the reason they are your so called 'enemy' is probably because they did something to put them in that status with you. But still, we smile and wave as if they are our favorite people in the world. And when we walk away we turn our nose's up and scoff with a friend. Meanwhile they are doing the same exact thing to you. I hear people say they miss high school, but i dont think we ever miss high school, just knowing that if we were in high school, we could push her into a vending machine and pull her hair.. Not like i would know.. But now we just smile, and pretend we care what goes on with them.
This was just my random, and slightly humorous epiphany. :) Girls can be so evil, good thing Ive got a good batch of friends to keep me sane :)
But my question: The things you had the guts to do in High School, but wouldn't dare to do now. I know we all have them :)
A few of mine to start:
- Wear a plaid skirt and combat boots..some things just shouldn't be repeated.. ever.
-Wear baby blue pleather
-Throw milk at the slutty girl who steals your boyfriend..and not get caught;)
-Help spread the rumor that someone has a gun... Be thankful you didn't go to my school, oh and im a good person now ;)
-Physically hit another female...my Lawyer advises against commenting.
-Oh and last but certainly not least... *Insert Drum-Roll Here*- Outline your entire eye socket with eyeliner..on purpose. & No it was not Halloween, or the Day of the Dead. Thank God for Vogue.
Off to bed:)
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Fat Kid Camp
Beauty is something ive actually been thinking alot about lately. Worrying about the need to get new makeup, and stressing over how much its going to cost to get my hair done. Making schedules to work out more, and looking for salads on the menu instead of steak's. Now im all for being healthy and spending money on good products, but at the same time im not.
I have always wanted the perfect beach bod. Skinny, tone and the perfect bathing suit to highlight the "good area's". I have never really achieved that. But this past year i think Ive achieved something greater than skin tight abs and a butt you can bounce quarters off of.
I achieved self-worth. I realized how much i was worth and what i could do. And that no matter if i have love handles and split ends, i still have worth and im still beautiful. No matter what i weigh. If as a woman, you can see the beauty in yourself, and that you are beautiful, no waistline or scale can tell you otherwise. Now im not like rooting that being obese or overweight is okay, people should take care of their bodies.
But i would like to say that im okay with curves, no i dont have the perfect body and the perfect proportions, but im working at bettering myself, and if somewhere down the road you can bounce quarters off my butt, well i probably would be pretty excited. But if i never achieve the Beyonce status, ill be perfectly fine too.
If your "man" is looking for perfection tell him to buy a barbie. You know your in good hands when a man can look at your curves, in my case pancake butt, and all you imperfections and pick you over a runway model, you've got a winner. Because people dont want fake, and unachievable beauty. They want something real, something that they can feel and not just want.
This was my rant about beauty, because its been bothering me some. And yes i gained 7 pounds, and guess what? I still look freaking hott. Just thought you should know that, because the fact is that im not ashamed of that. I love my body, and im only going to work towards making it better. So if you think im crazy for putting how much weight ive gained, then you obviously dont have hips.
I have always wanted the perfect beach bod. Skinny, tone and the perfect bathing suit to highlight the "good area's". I have never really achieved that. But this past year i think Ive achieved something greater than skin tight abs and a butt you can bounce quarters off of.
I achieved self-worth. I realized how much i was worth and what i could do. And that no matter if i have love handles and split ends, i still have worth and im still beautiful. No matter what i weigh. If as a woman, you can see the beauty in yourself, and that you are beautiful, no waistline or scale can tell you otherwise. Now im not like rooting that being obese or overweight is okay, people should take care of their bodies.
But i would like to say that im okay with curves, no i dont have the perfect body and the perfect proportions, but im working at bettering myself, and if somewhere down the road you can bounce quarters off my butt, well i probably would be pretty excited. But if i never achieve the Beyonce status, ill be perfectly fine too.
If your "man" is looking for perfection tell him to buy a barbie. You know your in good hands when a man can look at your curves, in my case pancake butt, and all you imperfections and pick you over a runway model, you've got a winner. Because people dont want fake, and unachievable beauty. They want something real, something that they can feel and not just want.
This was my rant about beauty, because its been bothering me some. And yes i gained 7 pounds, and guess what? I still look freaking hott. Just thought you should know that, because the fact is that im not ashamed of that. I love my body, and im only going to work towards making it better. So if you think im crazy for putting how much weight ive gained, then you obviously dont have hips.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Marilyn Monroe & Coca-Cola
So i was thinking the other day.. a somewhat dangerous thing. & I was observing how the fashion today has changed so much, but not really at all. If you look at the t shirts today and the wear and design of the clothing that everyone is wearing, and then you push in The breakfast club to your VCR player and see the same clothes, with updated fabrics and more sheek cuts and seams. Or if you look at a picture of Marilyn Monroe, Katherine Hepburn & Cary Grant and try to compare them to Kim Kardashian, Angelina Jolie & Robert Pattinson, they can never compare. There is something about the past that people just cant let go of, and just cant seem to remake or reign above. Vintage clothing will sell for thousands now because vintage is what's in. Everybody wants to look like they did 15, 20 years ago. Its because they had something, that we in this day and age cant seem to grasp. They had originality. Marilyn Monroe, and Cary Grant are known because of the profession they were in, and the fact that they introduced something new to the movies, it might not have been the most positive thing, or well looked upon, but they were original. Coca- Cola will never be able to be remade or re-vamped, no matter what kind of flavor you add to it.Everyone around the world knows what a Coke is. Pepsi tried, and failed. I hate pepsi.
But they all did something that was new, fresh, original. Today we are constantly photocopying everything around us, we make skirts shorter, shirts tighter, makeup brighter and bolder, shoes higher and more expensive to try and make it newer, fresher and more original, but all they are doing is tucking a seamline here and there and throwing an animal print on telephone pole and calling it a high fashion shoe.
Im so dying for originality. & I was just thinking about it and how no matter what decade we are in, we always look to the past for inspiration and originality, because all we know is the past and so thats all we copy. Im sure Eve didnt plan that her birthday suit would be the inspiration for fashion today. Clothes have become over-rated, if i cant see a cheek, your wearing too much.
Anyway.. that was off topic and random:).. But my last question and/or observation would be this: No matter how much makeup we put on, or how much newer, younger and better makeup brands them come out with, i dont think anyone will ever have the beauty they did in the 40's through 60's. Its a fact, Katherine Hepburn wasn't known for her backside, but her seemingly flawless beauty. Now going nude is something im for!...When it comes to your face:) Natural is Knockout.
But im not even sure if this makes sense, but originality will always be strived for but never achieved, and no makeup is always classier than 7 tons of makeup. :)
But they all did something that was new, fresh, original. Today we are constantly photocopying everything around us, we make skirts shorter, shirts tighter, makeup brighter and bolder, shoes higher and more expensive to try and make it newer, fresher and more original, but all they are doing is tucking a seamline here and there and throwing an animal print on telephone pole and calling it a high fashion shoe.
Im so dying for originality. & I was just thinking about it and how no matter what decade we are in, we always look to the past for inspiration and originality, because all we know is the past and so thats all we copy. Im sure Eve didnt plan that her birthday suit would be the inspiration for fashion today. Clothes have become over-rated, if i cant see a cheek, your wearing too much.
Anyway.. that was off topic and random:).. But my last question and/or observation would be this: No matter how much makeup we put on, or how much newer, younger and better makeup brands them come out with, i dont think anyone will ever have the beauty they did in the 40's through 60's. Its a fact, Katherine Hepburn wasn't known for her backside, but her seemingly flawless beauty. Now going nude is something im for!...When it comes to your face:) Natural is Knockout.
But im not even sure if this makes sense, but originality will always be strived for but never achieved, and no makeup is always classier than 7 tons of makeup. :)
Thursday, September 22, 2011
I couldnt think of something witty, so here is this really long, really meaningless, filler of cyberspace title.
This week has been...of a different world. Ive literally been zoned out all week. The type of zoned out where you stare at the ceiling and when you finally decided oh, you need to pee, you get up only to find that you've been staring, thinking for over an hour. I think i need a break, a break from life in general. A break from people, and from the same surroundings. Its like when all you have to eat in the house is cereal or bread. And by the 4th day of alternating between cereal and Pb& J's, you've about decided to never eat again unless its something other than those two items.
I just woke up this week, unusually sad, because my love was gone, and wouldn't be back for a week. But other than that i woke up, checked facebook and after scrolling through the same status's, the same people and the same crap i do everyday, i sat there and stared at the screen, Of my friends, family, and random people who i never talk to and i wondered why i had to impress these people.
Now dont get me wrong, and go flip out from what Ive said. Its just why do we care so much about what people think and perceive us as? Not saying i dont care about my reputation and the overall opinion of who i am to a person, but why do we guard our words and opinions around certain people and not others. Why are we who we really are to a few select, but only show the rest the "polished" side of us. The one that would never curse, or say rude things about people, or agree on things we really dont agree on.
I have watched, and watched people do this over and over and over. And im guilty of it, probably more than anyone. I find myself being someone different to please certain people, to hold my opinion and actions in front of people from fear of being outcast-ed from the group and people i spend my life and days with.
I guess ive just gotten tired of "sucking it in" per-say, like when you wear too tight of a shirt, or a slim outfit and you have to suck in your gut, dont act like you've never done that. Its like when your around certain people you have to " Suck in" certain parts of your personality and of who you are. Its like we hide the truth about who we are, so we will be accepted with certain groups and types of people.
Ive watched people be "exiled" and watched people turn their nose up at people because of certain thing that person does that they dont agree with it. And it bothers me to no end, but at the same time, i consciously take note of what that person did, or is doing and if a situation like theirs presents itself in my life, i know how not to act to be pushed from the being in the exclusive social circle we place ourselves in.
Yes, i say and think things that can being...well, rude, harsh, mean, cold, and inappropriate at times, i will admit, im dont have the best filter.
But...certain people will never know that. Because they have never experience the crude, and at times explicit me. I feel like sometimes we dont let people see that we are human, that we have faults. That we do things that others might not exactly agree with, that the things we like, see, listen, and watch may not completely line up with them. Truth: You should never be exactly like someone else, or see things the way they see them.
Fact: There are certain things, that depending on what you believe, your peers should believe what you believe.
Example: I believe that the only way to get upstairs (heaven) Is through Jesus. - My friends and family believe that same as me.
Example: My favorite color is black. Gweneth Paltrow- Probably not her favorite color, thats okay.
Very simple, true examples of the point im trying to make.
Its just my life, and the things i see effect me, and who i am. I would never want anyone to alter who they are so they could feel accepted by me, and i wouldn't want to feel like i have to alter myself for anyone.
We live in a world where individuality and being unique means looking and acting like everyone else.That just doesnt work for me.
So here are some truth's about me that you may or may not know. If by the end of the list you find yourself scowling, saying "Whats wrong with her?" Or have a different opinion about me revert back to to the " I dont care" Paragraph and check yourself before you wreck yourself.
- If cigarettes didn't kill you, and weren't looked down upon as immoral, id totally be a smoker.
- Ive wanted to write a certain curse word on the back of my phone, so when i drop it whoever picks up the pieces just gets the picture without me having to actually say the word. Because, i drop it alot.
- I would be such a PDA (public display of affection) person, if every time i showed affection, to specifically my significant other, someone didn't scream "leave room for Jesus!" Or look at me like im fornicating in public. Its a hug, not a tribal mating dance.. thank you.
-I would blog more, if i thought people would stop asking me whats wrong or if im okay every time i do it.
-I like Katy Perry.
-Ive always wanted to be a ballerina, like a legit one.
-I believe that one piece bathing suits are ugly, and there is no such thing as a cute one piece...unless your 4.
-Life is about choices, who you date counts as a choice. If youve dated more than 3 people in your life, you understand this one.
-Venting relieves stress, its like a proven fact. I vent alot, im not negative.
-This is not a negtive blog, if you read it as negative, you probably have some negative opinions about me.
-BAM. In your face.
- I believe in love. I believe that its okay to fall in love, and that you have to experience failed love to treasure when you find real love.
-I love this boy im dating, and im gonna marry him. Sorry if that bothers you.
-Ummm.. Im done.. i think.
What truths do you hide from people? This list is just random off the top of my head, & i have deeper ones too. But the random people who actually read this, think about it. You were made to be you, uniquely you, if your hide your faults and your not so pretty parts of who you are, it just makes you seem unreachable, untouchable and inhuman.
Ive decided to be me, 100% of the time. And if you dont like it, im honestly sorry, it has nothing to do with you personally. I just cant pretend to be someone im not anymore.
& if you were wondering, i am OK :)
I just woke up this week, unusually sad, because my love was gone, and wouldn't be back for a week. But other than that i woke up, checked facebook and after scrolling through the same status's, the same people and the same crap i do everyday, i sat there and stared at the screen, Of my friends, family, and random people who i never talk to and i wondered why i had to impress these people.
Now dont get me wrong, and go flip out from what Ive said. Its just why do we care so much about what people think and perceive us as? Not saying i dont care about my reputation and the overall opinion of who i am to a person, but why do we guard our words and opinions around certain people and not others. Why are we who we really are to a few select, but only show the rest the "polished" side of us. The one that would never curse, or say rude things about people, or agree on things we really dont agree on.
I have watched, and watched people do this over and over and over. And im guilty of it, probably more than anyone. I find myself being someone different to please certain people, to hold my opinion and actions in front of people from fear of being outcast-ed from the group and people i spend my life and days with.
I guess ive just gotten tired of "sucking it in" per-say, like when you wear too tight of a shirt, or a slim outfit and you have to suck in your gut, dont act like you've never done that. Its like when your around certain people you have to " Suck in" certain parts of your personality and of who you are. Its like we hide the truth about who we are, so we will be accepted with certain groups and types of people.
Ive watched people be "exiled" and watched people turn their nose up at people because of certain thing that person does that they dont agree with it. And it bothers me to no end, but at the same time, i consciously take note of what that person did, or is doing and if a situation like theirs presents itself in my life, i know how not to act to be pushed from the being in the exclusive social circle we place ourselves in.
Yes, i say and think things that can being...well, rude, harsh, mean, cold, and inappropriate at times, i will admit, im dont have the best filter.
But...certain people will never know that. Because they have never experience the crude, and at times explicit me. I feel like sometimes we dont let people see that we are human, that we have faults. That we do things that others might not exactly agree with, that the things we like, see, listen, and watch may not completely line up with them. Truth: You should never be exactly like someone else, or see things the way they see them.
Fact: There are certain things, that depending on what you believe, your peers should believe what you believe.
Example: I believe that the only way to get upstairs (heaven) Is through Jesus. - My friends and family believe that same as me.
Example: My favorite color is black. Gweneth Paltrow- Probably not her favorite color, thats okay.
Very simple, true examples of the point im trying to make.
Its just my life, and the things i see effect me, and who i am. I would never want anyone to alter who they are so they could feel accepted by me, and i wouldn't want to feel like i have to alter myself for anyone.
We live in a world where individuality and being unique means looking and acting like everyone else.That just doesnt work for me.
So here are some truth's about me that you may or may not know. If by the end of the list you find yourself scowling, saying "Whats wrong with her?" Or have a different opinion about me revert back to to the " I dont care" Paragraph and check yourself before you wreck yourself.
- If cigarettes didn't kill you, and weren't looked down upon as immoral, id totally be a smoker.
- Ive wanted to write a certain curse word on the back of my phone, so when i drop it whoever picks up the pieces just gets the picture without me having to actually say the word. Because, i drop it alot.
- I would be such a PDA (public display of affection) person, if every time i showed affection, to specifically my significant other, someone didn't scream "leave room for Jesus!" Or look at me like im fornicating in public. Its a hug, not a tribal mating dance.. thank you.
-I would blog more, if i thought people would stop asking me whats wrong or if im okay every time i do it.
-I like Katy Perry.
-Ive always wanted to be a ballerina, like a legit one.
-I believe that one piece bathing suits are ugly, and there is no such thing as a cute one piece...unless your 4.
-Life is about choices, who you date counts as a choice. If youve dated more than 3 people in your life, you understand this one.
-Venting relieves stress, its like a proven fact. I vent alot, im not negative.
-This is not a negtive blog, if you read it as negative, you probably have some negative opinions about me.
-BAM. In your face.
- I believe in love. I believe that its okay to fall in love, and that you have to experience failed love to treasure when you find real love.
-I love this boy im dating, and im gonna marry him. Sorry if that bothers you.
-Ummm.. Im done.. i think.
What truths do you hide from people? This list is just random off the top of my head, & i have deeper ones too. But the random people who actually read this, think about it. You were made to be you, uniquely you, if your hide your faults and your not so pretty parts of who you are, it just makes you seem unreachable, untouchable and inhuman.
Ive decided to be me, 100% of the time. And if you dont like it, im honestly sorry, it has nothing to do with you personally. I just cant pretend to be someone im not anymore.
& if you were wondering, i am OK :)
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Mice & Men
It sucks when you watch people fall from greatness. Its a sad moment when they do, its something like when Lucifer fell from Heaven, something tragic, but you cant really feel bad for him, considering every action he took lead him to his demise. Not at all referring anyone to Satan. That's horrible. But more the act he committed. To have everything, to be the favored one of The Almighty, and with one action, he threw it all away, and down, down he fell. And we all know the rest of the story. I can only imagine the great sadness that gripped God's heart, to watch a cherished angel of His fall. Now don't quote me, or try and strike up a theological debate with me. Because thats not what this is about. But think about the first paragraph, really try to think about all the emotions and the reality of what happened.
Maybe then you'll catch a glimpse of the emotions im trying to portray. To watch someone fall from greatness, to feel a deep sadness for the person, but at the same time, never pitying them, because they chose to fall.
Ive had a great many friends in my life, only a rare few have stayed in my life over the years and way that life is. And after years of watching friends fall, its not hard to wonder how any more your going to have to watch fall, and every attempt to catch them, or lend them a hand only makes them fall faster.
Ive watched friends throw themselves off the edge, for simple, stupid, temporary things. Passions that start off strong, but when it get hard they falter and lull into depressions. The need to be in the "moment", their own selfish desires, fame, relationships, or the need to find one.
And after years of watching friends fall, In still don't understand it. How they fail to see the greatness in themselves, and settle into pathetic people who grovel on the ground for temporary things and their needs and wants are constantly unsatisfied. People who are in horrible relationships with dooshbags and cheaters, liars, abusers and players. It breaks my heart.
Sometimes i wonder if its something we fail to do. Something i failed to do. Should i have said more? Done more? Intervened more? Cared more? Believed in them longer?
So many questions that even to the people your asking them too have no answers.
This has been bothering me for a good while now, and sometimes you just need people to know, and relate. Because we've all been there, watching a friend fall from greatness, and unable to do anything about it.
Sometimes i just want to say things to them, like....
"Why do you let him run his mouth about everyone, including your friends? And sit back and say nothing."
"Why are you obsessed with soppy love movies and depressing heartbreak songs. He left because he didn't love you, and never will. Torturing yourself wont bring him back"
"Don't join a Women's Abuse group when he hits you, because you stayed with him after that first blow, even when you had a chance to dump him, but being alone is far worse than being abused."
"What's your boyfriends name? I can never remember because you have a different one every two weeks."
" He is stalking you? Well why did you sleep with him 4 times, the tell him never to talk to you?"
"You only do drugs some. Yeah that cool, but i remember when you told me you'd never do them because you were smarter than that..guess they really do kill brain cells that fast."
You might think im being harsh, rude, and inappropriate, but when its your friends throwing their lives away, you'll have a different story to tell.
Just honestly needed to get it off my chest. I'm just tired of looking into peoples eyes and seeing a shadow of who they used to be, the greatness they had, the beauty of a life that was full, and happy. To be overshadowed by a love that will never bring them safety, comfort, or a sense of complete-ness. Looking and seeing that young girl who dreamed of prince charming, but settles for a theif.
I have no dictionary word for this post, because nothing can define losing a friend, or watching one slowly fall.
Maybe then you'll catch a glimpse of the emotions im trying to portray. To watch someone fall from greatness, to feel a deep sadness for the person, but at the same time, never pitying them, because they chose to fall.
Ive had a great many friends in my life, only a rare few have stayed in my life over the years and way that life is. And after years of watching friends fall, its not hard to wonder how any more your going to have to watch fall, and every attempt to catch them, or lend them a hand only makes them fall faster.
Ive watched friends throw themselves off the edge, for simple, stupid, temporary things. Passions that start off strong, but when it get hard they falter and lull into depressions. The need to be in the "moment", their own selfish desires, fame, relationships, or the need to find one.
And after years of watching friends fall, In still don't understand it. How they fail to see the greatness in themselves, and settle into pathetic people who grovel on the ground for temporary things and their needs and wants are constantly unsatisfied. People who are in horrible relationships with dooshbags and cheaters, liars, abusers and players. It breaks my heart.
Sometimes i wonder if its something we fail to do. Something i failed to do. Should i have said more? Done more? Intervened more? Cared more? Believed in them longer?
So many questions that even to the people your asking them too have no answers.
This has been bothering me for a good while now, and sometimes you just need people to know, and relate. Because we've all been there, watching a friend fall from greatness, and unable to do anything about it.
Sometimes i just want to say things to them, like....
"Why do you let him run his mouth about everyone, including your friends? And sit back and say nothing."
"Why are you obsessed with soppy love movies and depressing heartbreak songs. He left because he didn't love you, and never will. Torturing yourself wont bring him back"
"Don't join a Women's Abuse group when he hits you, because you stayed with him after that first blow, even when you had a chance to dump him, but being alone is far worse than being abused."
"What's your boyfriends name? I can never remember because you have a different one every two weeks."
" He is stalking you? Well why did you sleep with him 4 times, the tell him never to talk to you?"
"You only do drugs some. Yeah that cool, but i remember when you told me you'd never do them because you were smarter than that..guess they really do kill brain cells that fast."
You might think im being harsh, rude, and inappropriate, but when its your friends throwing their lives away, you'll have a different story to tell.
Just honestly needed to get it off my chest. I'm just tired of looking into peoples eyes and seeing a shadow of who they used to be, the greatness they had, the beauty of a life that was full, and happy. To be overshadowed by a love that will never bring them safety, comfort, or a sense of complete-ness. Looking and seeing that young girl who dreamed of prince charming, but settles for a theif.
I have no dictionary word for this post, because nothing can define losing a friend, or watching one slowly fall.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Never Quite As It Seems
Breathe In, Breathe Out.
Those moments, where you have to remind yourself your not an Assassin, Laura Croft, or Bono and bring yourself back to reality. Its like when you go out on a Friday night and put on your hottest outfit, and doll yourself up, doing your hair and makeup all nice and pretty. But then when you wake up the next morning in your underwear, and a Led Zeppelin shirt, and look in the mirror, and its like.. BAM reality check! Your makeup is smeared down your face and your hair looks like it needs to be brushed, twice. The glitter and glamor from the night before wears off and your left with reality. The reality that you shouldn't have stayed out till 3am, that you should probably invest in more expensive, water/smudge proof mascara, and maybe taken the 72 bobby pins out of your hair before you crashed into bed. Thats life, always giving us reality checks. (Insert smirk here)
So after i painted for 4 hours and baked cookies, i took a bath to remove the paint smears all over my nails and up to my elbow, and get the smell of flour and eggs off me.
So after my shower i look in the mirror and get one of these reality checks. Like omg, i look haggard... and sleepy. And as im staring at my makeup smeared face, and my hair pulled into a bun and my 300 baby hairs sticking up and all over the place around my face, i look slightly like The Crow. If you don't know what that means, refer to the Brandon Lee section in My Dictionary :) < Great movie. Anyway.
And as im staring at myself im thinking...well this might be what i look like all the time... and that would suck. So enjoy the pretty moments in your life, because sometimes reality is just not kind to my face.
This blog was about nothing, and has no point. Thank you for you time.:)
Currently jamming to: The Cranberries.
Those moments, where you have to remind yourself your not an Assassin, Laura Croft, or Bono and bring yourself back to reality. Its like when you go out on a Friday night and put on your hottest outfit, and doll yourself up, doing your hair and makeup all nice and pretty. But then when you wake up the next morning in your underwear, and a Led Zeppelin shirt, and look in the mirror, and its like.. BAM reality check! Your makeup is smeared down your face and your hair looks like it needs to be brushed, twice. The glitter and glamor from the night before wears off and your left with reality. The reality that you shouldn't have stayed out till 3am, that you should probably invest in more expensive, water/smudge proof mascara, and maybe taken the 72 bobby pins out of your hair before you crashed into bed. Thats life, always giving us reality checks. (Insert smirk here)
So after i painted for 4 hours and baked cookies, i took a bath to remove the paint smears all over my nails and up to my elbow, and get the smell of flour and eggs off me.
So after my shower i look in the mirror and get one of these reality checks. Like omg, i look haggard... and sleepy. And as im staring at my makeup smeared face, and my hair pulled into a bun and my 300 baby hairs sticking up and all over the place around my face, i look slightly like The Crow. If you don't know what that means, refer to the Brandon Lee section in My Dictionary :) < Great movie. Anyway.
And as im staring at myself im thinking...well this might be what i look like all the time... and that would suck. So enjoy the pretty moments in your life, because sometimes reality is just not kind to my face.
This blog was about nothing, and has no point. Thank you for you time.:)
Currently jamming to: The Cranberries.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Pancakes?
So let me start off by saying this is not a vent, complaining, hate the world blog.
Its one of those things where you wish you could say these things in public, to people and in life, but you cant. So ive decided to blog about them. Because everyone is bothered by some of these things.
With that being said, i would like to express my feelings on a few small things :)
Have you ever said something, posted something, or mentioned something and the wrong person always see's it? Or take it the worst way possible. And somehow before you know it, you have people that are not even in your so called 'social circle' are asking you a million of questions and assuming things about your life and your situations. This happens to me, well, too much, and too a variety of my friends. Why must people feel that they must ask you hundreds of questions about your life, the choices you make and the people you are involved with. I personally have no problem telling people off, no matter what age or status they are. When you interrupt into my life and my privacy, you give up me being nice to you, because you've stepped outside of the 'comfort' zone with me and tramped all over my personal life, therefore, you get no polite smiles anymore.
And im not going to lie, it becomes exhausting trying to protect everything you say and do, and having to constantly have an answer for everything. Maybe im just tired, and over-sensitive, but i know i cant be alone in this. Rebounding questions about you relationship, your future, your every plan to people who you don't even know very well, and some you don't even like. Ive developed a name for them: Syrup Smackers. What you ask, is a syrup-smacker? Someone who has to smack their lips in everyone's business, and make everything sticky and messy. The more they open their mouths, and the more they ask and talk the messier and sticker they make the situation, And before you know it, your drowning in a overpowering sticky, noticeably blunt and unwanted conversation or string of questioning. Because like syrup, once they get the first question out, no matter how many time you wipe your hands, it still feels sticky, and heavy.
I guess my frustrating is me wondering when did it be okay for people who are supposed to support and care about you genuinely become so over bearing and such a weight?
I guess it became OK the minute they traded their own private lives the minute they posted that first Facebook status, or that first tweet,blog, or some other social network site, and now expect you to do the same.
Its one of those things where you wish you could say these things in public, to people and in life, but you cant. So ive decided to blog about them. Because everyone is bothered by some of these things.
With that being said, i would like to express my feelings on a few small things :)
Have you ever said something, posted something, or mentioned something and the wrong person always see's it? Or take it the worst way possible. And somehow before you know it, you have people that are not even in your so called 'social circle' are asking you a million of questions and assuming things about your life and your situations. This happens to me, well, too much, and too a variety of my friends. Why must people feel that they must ask you hundreds of questions about your life, the choices you make and the people you are involved with. I personally have no problem telling people off, no matter what age or status they are. When you interrupt into my life and my privacy, you give up me being nice to you, because you've stepped outside of the 'comfort' zone with me and tramped all over my personal life, therefore, you get no polite smiles anymore.
And im not going to lie, it becomes exhausting trying to protect everything you say and do, and having to constantly have an answer for everything. Maybe im just tired, and over-sensitive, but i know i cant be alone in this. Rebounding questions about you relationship, your future, your every plan to people who you don't even know very well, and some you don't even like. Ive developed a name for them: Syrup Smackers. What you ask, is a syrup-smacker? Someone who has to smack their lips in everyone's business, and make everything sticky and messy. The more they open their mouths, and the more they ask and talk the messier and sticker they make the situation, And before you know it, your drowning in a overpowering sticky, noticeably blunt and unwanted conversation or string of questioning. Because like syrup, once they get the first question out, no matter how many time you wipe your hands, it still feels sticky, and heavy.
I guess my frustrating is me wondering when did it be okay for people who are supposed to support and care about you genuinely become so over bearing and such a weight?
I guess it became OK the minute they traded their own private lives the minute they posted that first Facebook status, or that first tweet,blog, or some other social network site, and now expect you to do the same.
Friday, August 26, 2011
The Big M.
Marriage.
It seems to come up a lot when you date someone longer than 3 months. Maybe thats just in my own social circles? Or does it happen to everyone? Ive been hearing alot about the big 'M' word lately. Someone is always engaged, getting married, ending a marriage, adding a little one to the marriage. There seems to always be something. My parents are married, some close friends are married, i plan on getting married one day. Its just everywhere. There are at least 3 Diamond stores in the mall, and the engagement rings are always the ones at the front with the brightest lights shining in. Every Kiss begins with K, or at least you hope it does. Maybe to the Man not so much, because all K means is Karat, and how many of those you have in your kisses determines the rest of your soon to be married life... Or so Ive heard. Maybe its not that drastic..
But why do people make such a fuss over it?
Now Pause. Don't get me as one of those people who don't believe in marriage or have these crazy ideas about it, im a normal girl who loves everything like with love, marriage, and babies. But i dont recall ever feeling so much pressure about it before?
Maybe its because ive now entered the coveted '20's' and thats what is expected of you in your twenties, marriage, babies, and a full 25 year plan on what you want to do with your life.
Does anyone else feel me?
One day its "What are you going to do with you life?"
Then the next its " When are you two getting married?" "Have you had the 'talk' yet??"
Okay, for one...what is the 'talk'? Ive had alot of conversations in my life, and still no matter how many times i google it, or ask random people. No-one really knows what that means. Ive even tried to guess what it means, and while plausible explanations like " Oh, like have we talked about getting married? or having kids?" are pondered on, they are still not exactly what the 'talk' entails. Maybe its just me and ive jumped off the crazy train, but somehow that is one thing ive come across that makes no bloody sense.
But then, after you weed out the crazy people who think they are Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City, and the people who want to live their failed love life through yours, you come across what i like to call, the Thumpers.
These wonderful people thrive on love, marriage and all in between. They are those people who if you had a crush on someone in 8th grade, you didnt tell them who it was. Because once you did they were already pulling out a piece of paper getting ready to put you into their own torturous version of M*A*S*H, where you have 57 kids and live till your 135, madly in love i might add. They just thump their hearts to every small mushy romantic thing that happens to you, but some how it never happens to them. Probably because they thump so much that they have thumped all potential mates away. They make every event into a scene from Casablanca. "He called you? And left a voice-mail! He totally is into you, if he wasn't he wouldn't leave a voice-mail right!" That might sound far fetched, but i have the time, date and person that said it to me after i had called a friend that was of the male gender to see if he wanted to come eat with me, and a few friends. My Thumper friend chose this opportunity to convince me because he called back and left a voice-mail that he liked me. Too bad she didn't realize i was calling him to try and set him up with her, and he called me back after the event he was invited too was over. So for the next few weeks all i heard about was how he left me a voice mail, and every little thing he did was put under a microscope to see if it meant anything more than it really did. I used to be one of those people, so i know them oh so very well.
But back to my point, why do some people drag the thought of Marriage through the mud while other survive just to get married, and when did someone decide that they had to make me their test subject?!
Marriage is a big thing, Love is an even bigger thing. Marriage only works or happens when you take a bigger commitment than saying "I do", you first have to commit to loving someone. And society tends to commit to marrying someone before they commit to loving them.
Marriage, most people want it, they want to find love. And with love comes marriage, and then a baby carriage right? I guess what im trying to say, is that sometimes people just need to learn to let other people decide their own love life, and worry about giving love to people, rather than trying to get people to give you love.
But to conclude my Marriage thoughts, i wont be getting married any time soon, so if you feel the need to ask me, revert back to sentence one of the first paragraph of this blog.
But on the subject of love...well i have much more positive, and 'Thumper' like thoughts and comments. Because while trying to figure out my 25 year life plan, find a job and keep the Thumper's at bay, im perfectly content with learning what Love looks like in another person, and finding it within myself to give love, and to receive it in its many forms. And laughing, alot. :)
It seems to come up a lot when you date someone longer than 3 months. Maybe thats just in my own social circles? Or does it happen to everyone? Ive been hearing alot about the big 'M' word lately. Someone is always engaged, getting married, ending a marriage, adding a little one to the marriage. There seems to always be something. My parents are married, some close friends are married, i plan on getting married one day. Its just everywhere. There are at least 3 Diamond stores in the mall, and the engagement rings are always the ones at the front with the brightest lights shining in. Every Kiss begins with K, or at least you hope it does. Maybe to the Man not so much, because all K means is Karat, and how many of those you have in your kisses determines the rest of your soon to be married life... Or so Ive heard. Maybe its not that drastic..
But why do people make such a fuss over it?
Now Pause. Don't get me as one of those people who don't believe in marriage or have these crazy ideas about it, im a normal girl who loves everything like with love, marriage, and babies. But i dont recall ever feeling so much pressure about it before?
Maybe its because ive now entered the coveted '20's' and thats what is expected of you in your twenties, marriage, babies, and a full 25 year plan on what you want to do with your life.
Does anyone else feel me?
One day its "What are you going to do with you life?"
Then the next its " When are you two getting married?" "Have you had the 'talk' yet??"
Okay, for one...what is the 'talk'? Ive had alot of conversations in my life, and still no matter how many times i google it, or ask random people. No-one really knows what that means. Ive even tried to guess what it means, and while plausible explanations like " Oh, like have we talked about getting married? or having kids?" are pondered on, they are still not exactly what the 'talk' entails. Maybe its just me and ive jumped off the crazy train, but somehow that is one thing ive come across that makes no bloody sense.
But then, after you weed out the crazy people who think they are Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City, and the people who want to live their failed love life through yours, you come across what i like to call, the Thumpers.
These wonderful people thrive on love, marriage and all in between. They are those people who if you had a crush on someone in 8th grade, you didnt tell them who it was. Because once you did they were already pulling out a piece of paper getting ready to put you into their own torturous version of M*A*S*H, where you have 57 kids and live till your 135, madly in love i might add. They just thump their hearts to every small mushy romantic thing that happens to you, but some how it never happens to them. Probably because they thump so much that they have thumped all potential mates away. They make every event into a scene from Casablanca. "He called you? And left a voice-mail! He totally is into you, if he wasn't he wouldn't leave a voice-mail right!" That might sound far fetched, but i have the time, date and person that said it to me after i had called a friend that was of the male gender to see if he wanted to come eat with me, and a few friends. My Thumper friend chose this opportunity to convince me because he called back and left a voice-mail that he liked me. Too bad she didn't realize i was calling him to try and set him up with her, and he called me back after the event he was invited too was over. So for the next few weeks all i heard about was how he left me a voice mail, and every little thing he did was put under a microscope to see if it meant anything more than it really did. I used to be one of those people, so i know them oh so very well.
But back to my point, why do some people drag the thought of Marriage through the mud while other survive just to get married, and when did someone decide that they had to make me their test subject?!
Marriage is a big thing, Love is an even bigger thing. Marriage only works or happens when you take a bigger commitment than saying "I do", you first have to commit to loving someone. And society tends to commit to marrying someone before they commit to loving them.
Marriage, most people want it, they want to find love. And with love comes marriage, and then a baby carriage right? I guess what im trying to say, is that sometimes people just need to learn to let other people decide their own love life, and worry about giving love to people, rather than trying to get people to give you love.
But to conclude my Marriage thoughts, i wont be getting married any time soon, so if you feel the need to ask me, revert back to sentence one of the first paragraph of this blog.
But on the subject of love...well i have much more positive, and 'Thumper' like thoughts and comments. Because while trying to figure out my 25 year life plan, find a job and keep the Thumper's at bay, im perfectly content with learning what Love looks like in another person, and finding it within myself to give love, and to receive it in its many forms. And laughing, alot. :)
Another Reason to Know Why
Its the smell of clean laundry, the warmth of the sun on the back of your eyelids. The windows down in winter, the chilly air hitting your face and filling your nose. A lovers kiss on the forehead, with secret smiles. The way your stomach hurts when you laugh to hard. The feeling you get in your fingers when you touch something cherished. The unconventional timing of death. Bitter memories and scarred pasts. Melted candle-wax and suede shoes. Piano keys and open fields. Glitter and Ivory curtains. Chapped lips and finding Faith.
This is life, my life to be specific. Everyone has a story, and these days, nobody has a problem sharing theirs, publicly or privately, hence those "anonymous". My other blog is all about getting your voice out their, changing something, but i firmly believe that to change the world, we must first change ourselves. So with misplaced phrases and a constant pouring of complete sentences, im writing me. People all want to be heard, the difference comes when you just listen, or you hear what they are trying to say. My goal is to do neither with this, personal, unscripted and unedited blog of me, and who i am. We so often have so much to say, but because of who we are, where we are, or fear from being something else that perfect, we keep our mouths closed, and in the process of pretending things don't bother us, and not talking about things because they are controversial to our "crowd" we create these, blogs. Because you can always take back what you say, you cant take back what you write, and i don't intend on it.
This is me, raw and uncut. The person behind the curtain, the girl fighting with a cage door that never had a lock on it.
Im tired of staying silent.
Check out this Website's own personal dictionary! : @ That Mean's What?
This is life, my life to be specific. Everyone has a story, and these days, nobody has a problem sharing theirs, publicly or privately, hence those "anonymous". My other blog is all about getting your voice out their, changing something, but i firmly believe that to change the world, we must first change ourselves. So with misplaced phrases and a constant pouring of complete sentences, im writing me. People all want to be heard, the difference comes when you just listen, or you hear what they are trying to say. My goal is to do neither with this, personal, unscripted and unedited blog of me, and who i am. We so often have so much to say, but because of who we are, where we are, or fear from being something else that perfect, we keep our mouths closed, and in the process of pretending things don't bother us, and not talking about things because they are controversial to our "crowd" we create these, blogs. Because you can always take back what you say, you cant take back what you write, and i don't intend on it.
This is me, raw and uncut. The person behind the curtain, the girl fighting with a cage door that never had a lock on it.
Im tired of staying silent.
Check out this Website's own personal dictionary! : @ That Mean's What?
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